Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
