I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
