Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
