ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
