this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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