so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was confusing and full of hummus
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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