the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
