Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
