This girl is more easily done than said...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
