Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
