Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
