i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
