Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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