Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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