No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
