I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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