You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
