So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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