I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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