Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
