yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
