Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
