Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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