Little spoons don't ask big questions
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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