What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
