I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
