Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
