I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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