I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize