I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
