i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
