Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize