i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
