Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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