It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize