the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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