man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
