Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
