You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
