Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
