Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i now understand why vodka
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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