Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
