So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
