he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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