I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
