man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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