Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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