I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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