Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize