i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This is not my ceiling
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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