Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
