Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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