Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
