Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
