I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
