I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
