I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize