He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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