So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
