I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
