everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
