you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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