She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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