We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
