She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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