even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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