so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
