I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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