I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
