cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
