So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
