last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
