I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
